October 14 is the one-year anniversary of my resignation from a church I preached at for 23 years.
I have done lots of internal work since then. To be honest, I did lots of internal work before and during my resignation, too.
But ... I have found myself sad and anxious lately. Weird emotions pop up out of nowhere. Memories come flooding back, most good, some very hard and painful. It took me awhile to recognize what was happening.
Yes, the body keeps the score, but I believe the soul does, too.
My soul knew before my mind did that the one-year anniversary of a very painful day was approaching and she started to send out warning signals. I am a tad dense, so I didn't catch on right away.
But now I know.
So, I will be careful with myself. Tender, kind, compassionate.
It is never easy to walk away from people you love, a place you poured your life into, a community you belonged to. I will always carry a wound from doing that.
I have regret for the people I hurt, the bridges I burned, the good-byes that went unsaid.
But I will never apologize for why I left. That I cannot do. For those who don't know or don't remember why I resigned from my former church, I plan to repost my "Why I Left" statement again on October 14 of this year. For now, just know it was related to an issue about which I believe Christ himself convicted me.
Nonetheless, the scars still exist. The pain still emerges. The loss still stings.
The soul keeps the score, too.
Do what is right, not what is easy. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, whatever that means. Even if it is Ice cream or fancy coffee. Or Ice Cream in your coffee. Love and prayers.
❤️🫂❤️
Yes…I totally relate, and I’ll plug it in to say an xtra little prayer for you that day & to think of you as I often do 💝 I too “feel it” more some days than others, and I too feel it deep. I finally concluded that it’s a broken heart/soul that needs understanding, a friendly ear & lotsa self love/compassion. “You got this” as a mantra only applies when it’s not a heart-felt issue 🫣 Take care beautiful soul 🫶🏻
You take care, too, my beautiful friend.
i miss you so much but understand....go and say goodbye or renew the love you had with those you moved on from. i don't think it was personal. you have your beliefs and they have theirs.....we all do. you have to move on but move on with no sense of bad feelings. trust me, it isn't worth losing friends over. christ knows how you feel and how they feel. it would be an awful world if we all stood on the same line . i love you, my friend.
Love you too, friend.
Wouldn't it be lovely to go through life with no scars and pain, but without that there would be no growth, need to lament or our ability to see and feel what others are going through. I see you and feel your pain. One of my favorite series at Orchard was The Third Way, I was filled with so much love for how Jesus loved and blessed a broken world but then I feel like the church did not carry that message forward. Your ministry meant the world to so many of us and I will always hold your teachings close to my heart. Love and Peace.
Sharp tears come to my eyes, Deb, as I remember the whole concept of "Third Way." I, too, believed it could be true in a church. Thank you for knowing that.
All my love, alice