Faith deconstruction seems like a natural by-product of life. The faith of our childhood, our young adulthood, should morph, change, and become more mature. If I still have the faith of an 18-year old at age 58, something went seriously wrong.
Six months ago I left a church I attended and was a part of leading for 23 years.
But, I left evangelical conservatism years ago. I never fit, though I tried. I got caught up in it during my college years, trapped in the web of the "everyone is going to hell if you don't save them" belief system.
I have known for years that Christianity is exponentially bigger, broader and wider than the American evangelical movement of the last few decades.
It has been more recently, however, that I consciously let all those old beliefs crumble to the ground. Those doctrinal structures just didn't hold up anymore with how I saw the world, how I saw myself, how I saw and understood God.
After this happens, many begin to immediately talk of reconstruction.
What are you gonna' rebuild to replace what was demolished?
But what if there is no need for reconstruction? As if a relationship with the Living God is some kind of architectural structure, with right angles, level floor joists, sturdy building materials? Everything drawn-to-scale, sized up, and tightly sealed?
Inflexible. Indestructible. Immovable.
This imagery - of rebuilding - still carries with it the feel of trying to control the uncontrollable God.
What if, instead, we allow all the walls of certainty, man-made doctrine, and self-created mandatory beliefs to simply fall to the ground?
And what if what shows up in its place is ...
Fire?
Pure Presence?
Mystery?
A sense of free-fall and being held at the same time?
What if we don't deconstruct in order to reconstruct?
What if we allow the walls that incarcerated us in our tiny jail cells of control
to tumble to the ground
so that we can,
hand-in-hand with Christ,
walk out into the open arms of the Universe
and into a wild, joyous life
of glorious freedom?
Wow! The mystics agree with you, Alice. Thank you for saying it in such a relevant way.
Alice-
This is so spot on! Why do we let everything else change but out faith is supposed to be rigid? I believe but have always been caught up in the structure. Our world is changing and we need to embrace happiness whatever that may be and whomever we choose to love. God walks with each of us in many ways. ❤️
Yes!!
❤️
I really appreciate this post. My husband and I are in our 20’s and have been in the process of deconstruction, ridding ourselves of the guilt brought on by doctrinal beliefs, and grasping on to any residual hope there is amongst the rubble. We were ready to walk away from organized Christianity altogether until we gave it a last ditch effort and attended a service at an episcopal church. In this community, we felt like we finally belonged. Our doubts about what we were taught all of our lives was embraced rather than considered abhorrent. We’ve found community in dialogue from individuals such as yourself who are unsatisfied with the superficial answers provided by evangelical Christians. Thank you for your boldness in sharing these thoughts. Your blog was one of the primary motivators for my husband and I to take the plunge into the unknown.
Carrie, this is incredible. I am so so so grateful that you and your husband are finding freedom and faith outside the constraints of evangelical Christianity. How wonderful that you are so young and so open. I love that you are finding joy and belonging in the Episcopal church. Beautiful. Beautiful. Would love to talk more with you sometime!
Peace, Alice
Such a marvelous closing!!!
AMEN!