One of the main reasons we don't slow down is that when we slow down our demons emerge.
This just happened to me.
I have taken some intentional time off, and as always, the darkness closed in.
I figure when this happens, I have three choices:
- Get busy! Nothing like a packed schedule and noisy heart to drown out the voices of despair.
- Give in to the dark, become depressed, withdraw, engage in self-condemnation. Mope. Complain. Engage in self-pity.
OR …
- Trust God enough to sit with him while the demons attack. Stay quiet and slow and start to name what hurts inside of me in God's presence. Begin to speak what feels true while I sit at Jesus' feet. Decide to let him untangle the knot that is my soul. Let him tease out what is true and what is false, what is real and what is delusion. Rather than develop elaborate plans to "fix myself" intentionally give God control of it all. Recognize that it is the darker times of the soul that are fertile ground for God's good tilling and pruning and weeding and (eventually) growing.
This time, I decided to select option #3.
It may be the very first time I have made this selection. Options #1 and #2 have been lifetime favorites!
So, God woke me up at 5 this morning and said, "Let's get started. Shall we?"
And I said, "Ok."
And God and I were very honest with each other.
And nothing is "fixed."
But I feel hopeful.
And as the sun rises, I feel God is saying to me, "Don't fear the darkness. I often do my best work in the darkness. Just stay real close."
And I said, "Ok."
