The 30th president of the United States said, “It takes a great man to be a good listener.”

I would add that the same is true for a woman. It takes a great woman to be a good listener.

How rare this is!

I do not know if it used to be more common to be a great listener. If, before the era of TV and the internet and social media and all the noise, we humans were better at back-and-forth conversation. I don't know. But I do know that it is a rare thing in this day and age to stumble upon a good listener.

My husband is one. Both a great man and a good listener. I think one often leads to the other, and vice-versa. I watch him listen to people all the time.

We were recently at a 3-day event related to his work in the financial industry. We were surrounded by people who are good at what they do. They were at the event because they are good at what they do. You would think once that was established, folks could relax a bit, give up the posturing that can often come with cocktail parties and the like. Perhaps people could settle in, practice curiosity, ask questions, learn from and about one another.

You would think.

It never ceases to amaze us, however, how little curiosity many people show as we find ourselves sharing a dinner table or light conversation.

One woman, about our age, sat down at our table for dinner and began to talk proudly and loudly about herself and never stopped talking until I dragged my husband away so we could go to bed.

She never asked me one question about myself, despite her minutes-long soliloquy about herself.

I did not hear her ask my husband one thing about himself or his business during their quite lengthy "chat." All I heard from her were more and more details about her success, how much money she makes, how many clients she has, how many homes they own, and yada yada yada yada.

I don't know why we are always so stunned, but we are. As we wandered back to our hotel room, we whispered about this together. "Did she ever stop talking?" I ask. "Nope," says my husband, "she never did." "Did she ask you anything about yourself?" I query. "Nope," says my husband, "she never did." We both sigh ...

My husband engages with others with great curiosity, asking question after question of them, not as a way of interrogating, or as a way of figuring out how he can get the leg up on another person. He asks because he is genuinely interested. He finds people fascinating. He turns his full attention toward them and makes them feel seen and heard and understood. And rarely -- too rarely -- is the favor ever returned. What a loss for them. It happens to me all the time, too.

Folks don't even seem bothered by their own rambling.

They don't seem to think twice about the fact that the conversation is all one-way.

They blather on and on and on about themselves and then walk away, perhaps searching for another willing and kind victim.

Are we all so lonely we don't know how to engage in normal conversation anymore?

Are we all so intent on making sure other people think we are great that we have lost our childlike curiosity about anyone other than ourselves?

Is this a part of why are nation has become so divisive? Have we become more enamored with our own thoughts and opinions and circumstances, seeing them as the only thing worth anyone's attention, that we view other human beings as mere receptacles for a barrage of words about ourselves?

Are we the only ones that experience this?

Oof! No wonder I sometimes just want to stay home and watch Netflix.

If you want to be listened to, seek out my husband.

If you want to learn about a really great person, ask him a question or two.

And then - just a suggestion - shut up and listen.

You might just be amazed.