Our kids can teach us so much if we let them.

The key part of that sentence is "if we let them."

Years ago, I decided to pull out our homemade Advent wreath and engage the sacred practice of lighting advent candles and saying the specific words assigned for each week along with the corresponding reading.

After we lit the third candle, our eldest said, "This is so dumb. Why are we lighting candles and just saying words like 'hope,' 'peace,' or 'joy,' and doing nothing about the suffering around us?"

Not gonna lie: This stung.

I wanted to say, "We ARE doing things about the suffering around us! Both your Dad and I are hard at work serving, volunteering, giving, donating! Don't you see us?" And also, "These words matter! This kind of crappy homemade Advent wreath, these drippy candles, these readings ... all of it makes me feel like a GOOD MOM and a GOOD CHRISTIAN, so why don't you just play along so I can feel good about myself??"

(Please tell me I am not the only one who has these thoughts ...)

And then I remembered:

... if we let them.

... if we let them.

... if we let them.

As my husband and I processed her devastating critique of this sacred tradition we processed ourselves right into our daughter's corner. In so many ways, she was right. In so many ways, she was becoming the woman we hoped and prayed she would become. In so many ways, she was calling our bluff.

So we let ourselves learn from her. And we pivoted.

From that day on we no longer light Advent candles (just too painful for me, lol). Instead, each of our kids chooses an organization of their choice and my husband and I give a monetary gift to that organization in our kid's name.

What we witness now, what we contribute to now, what we "light a candle" for now are organizations that have boots on the ground in some of the hardest places in our communities. Boots on the ground that deliver Hope, Peace, Joy and Love to a swath of humanity who could care less whether our little family lights candles in the dark of our safe, warm home. And who, instead, are touched deeply by food and healthcare and legal aid and famine relief and compassion.

Our of that painful moment a new Advent tradition was born. It continues to this day. It makes me smile. It brings me joy. It makes me feel like a GOOD MOM!

Our kids can teach us so much. If we let them.

Let them, ok?