I think it is the 5th or 6th Monday since we shut down our country and I am still not in any kind of groove with my life.
One thing I am noticing: Everything takes longer.
Take grocery shopping, for instance.
What I would usually do in a quick hour or two took my entire morning today.
Washing my hands, masking up, planning our list, wiping off the cart, trying to get the plastic vegetable bags to open without licking my fingers (so MANY MINUTES!), attempting and failing to follow the arrows on the floor of the grocery aisles, swerving to stay 6 feet apart from other shoppers, pondering whether or not I should really buy an item, waiting for the very kind check-out person to completely spray down the little conveyer belt, packing up the car, returning the cart to a new location so it can be disinfected, spraying hand sanitizer on my hands, driving home and carefully unloading it all, careful to wash down the produce extra well ...
I looked up and it was well after noon!
I was upset with myself for not being more efficient!
I internally berated myself for being slow, sluggish, behind ...
It wasn't until I was able to sit down at my desk and take a breath that I came to my senses.
This is not about me.
This is not about something internally wrong or deficient with me.
This is about a new normal and about doing things in such a way that I protect my neighbor and myself.
So I whispered:
"It is ok."
You are not behind.
You have nowhere to go anyway.
No one is judging you.
Everyone else is working too hard to judge you.
This is not your fault.
Slow down ... breathe ... relax.
You did as well as you could do.
It is ok."
Wondering if any of you need to whisper these same words to yourself right now?
About schooling your own kiddos?
About too many Zoom meetings?
About dealing with an overly full, or an overly empty, home?
About doing errands that take six hours as opposed to one?
Where do you need to treat yourself with kindness and compassion?
Where might you need to speak to yourself as if you were an exhausted child or a dear friend?
Take a deep breath.
Relax your shoulders.
Everything takes longer right now.
Whisper to yourself:
"It is ok. You are ok. You are doing the best you can."
Hugs from me to you.