After months of teaching, I yearned for a few days with no words.
And then I got an afternoon free ...
So I sat down.
And I was quiet.
And I was restless ...
I felt unnecessary. Lazy. Ineffective. Useless.
Seriously? How ridiculous is that? I kept looking at the clock, thinking, "Shouldn't I get up and do something?"
And then I remembered what Gerald May wrote in his book "The Awakened Heart."
He said:
"It is an addiction of the first order that we feel we must always be filling up our spaces.
It goes along with our addiction to work, to productivity, to efficiency."
Ok, I thought to myself ... nothing to worry about here.
I am just experiencing withdrawal, the "shakes" that come when I wean myself off my drug of choice - which most recently was busyness, noise, thinking I had important things to say.
All I need to do is wait it out. Sit here until my body and soul realize they've been cut off.
It will be ok.
I can settle into this silence, this new pace, this space.
And God will fill it; He always does.
May He become my new drug of choice. Amen.