After months of teaching, I yearned for a few days with no words.

And then I got an afternoon free ...

So I sat down.

And I was quiet.

And I was restless ...

I felt unnecessary. Lazy. Ineffective. Useless.

Seriously? How ridiculous is that? I kept looking at the clock, thinking, "Shouldn't I get up and do something?"

And then I remembered what Gerald May wrote in his book "The Awakened Heart."

He said:

"It is an addiction of the first order that we feel we must always be filling up our spaces.

It goes along with our addiction to work, to productivity, to efficiency."

Ok, I thought to myself ... nothing to worry about here.

I am just experiencing withdrawal, the "shakes" that come when I wean myself off my drug of choice - which most recently was busyness, noise, thinking I had important things to say.

All I need to do is wait it out. Sit here until my body and soul realize they've been cut off.

It will be ok.

I can settle into this silence, this new pace, this space.

And God will fill it; He always does.

May He become my new drug of choice. Amen.